Talks and plants

The weekend talk went well. I got some nice feedback from some of the wives, even though speaking bilingually - switching back and forth between Spanish and English - was trickier than I thought.

My talk was called “What She Gave and What She Kept” and spotlighted two distinct things: consent and freedom. Her consent is a necessary part of the process but it is far more than a simple procedural or documentary thing. Taking a cue from St. John Paul II’s Mulieris Dignitatem, we looked at what it means to be an authentic subject. Mary’s fiat made her an authentic participant and not a passive object; the wife’s consent takes on similar contours throughout the man’s formation and discernment. If it’s not given in absolute freedom according to her understanding it’s not properly consent at all.

We turned next to what is kept: her absolute freedom to pursue sanctity and a vocational response on her own terms. Simply put: she is not clericalized by association or proximity. The wife’s vocation is rooted in baptism and is in no way derived from or contingent on her husband’s ordination. In a departure from the previous norms, deacons are now sent into the diocese to serve. The wives may or may not follow them to their new assignments. No one should assume a “two-for-one” deal when an assignment is made and no one should judge her decision to maintain her ministries as she sees fit.

In years past, many deacons remained at their home parishes to serve. A general pattern of super-involved wives emerged over time and became a sort expectation in many people’s minds. Your husband may be sent over to Saint X’s; you have to go with him because he’s your husband and that’s that. I think this has exacerbated the sentiment among the wives that they’re simply along for the ride; my talk was aimed at setting this a bit straight. Prior to my assignment, we had a meeting with the vicar general to sound out any concerns that they should know about before making a decision: unresolvable beefs, personality conflicts with particular pastors, that sort of thing. The thinking was that it was better to know about issues prior to making an assignment than trying to address them after the fact. We both appreciated the opportunity, and it was in that meeting that the involvement-expectation came up. To our everlasting relief, the vicar general made it very clear that she was free to forge her own path, according to her own vocation and gifts and that no one obliged her to anything. Moreover we were to contact him immediately if anyone tried.

As I said, the message seemed to land well. At a couple of points during the second part of the talk, there were audible sighs of relief, particularly from the Spanish-speaking contingent as that cohort is still in their first year of formation. I was part of a Q&A panel a bit later in the day and then trundled my way back to Shelbyville for the vigil masses. We did it again on Sunday and then family dinner chaos as usual. We cooked Cuban; I posted a picture on Threads.

The weather continues to cool off at night though the days are staying pleasantly warm. I’ve pivoted a bit from outside gardening to inside houseplant madness. The terrariums got some TLC and everything that had been moved outside has been brought back in. A couple of things got repotted and I’m propagating the snake plant. Instagram figured this out and has been feeding me houseplant and shrimp tank content non-stop; I’m OK with this. The “watch me dig a koi pond in 30 seconds” content is always good for a laugh, though. No one ever hits a rock or tree root which is how I know it’s fake. Not sure where I’d put a shrimp tank. It’d need to be safe from the cat and also somewhere I could see it regularly and those places are bit scarce at present. We’ll see.